I’m going very, very far away.
I’m in a life-choice limbo (yes, I’m going to be copyrighting that phrase). I’m only 21 years old and I’m already working in a proper “adult” career job. I’m feeling an overwhelming amount of pressure to know what I want and to start a career in a field that I’m not sure is right for me. Since my degree (which is in a particularly specific art field), I’ve begun to realise that this path may not be the right one for me. Everything I wanted, everything I thought I wanted and everything knew I definitely didn’t want have all become entwined in a complex cat’s cradle of ifs, buts and whats.
I’m battling some serious internal conflicts (read my last post on my current mental health state to find out more) and what I used to love – namely writing, fashion, art and culture – are dwindling away in my mind to be replaced with fitness, veganism, travelling and ethical, conscious living.
All my university friends are making great leaps in their careers; they are getting incredible internships, finding incredible opportunities and finding happiness in what they are achieving. There are people who I went to school with who are getting married and having children, people who are saving for mortgages and people who are making significant career steps and achieving incredible things. I understand that if that’s what you really, truly want and that’s what is going to make you reach new levels of happiness, then you need to go for it. But I don’t feel that any of these things will make me happy right now.
I want to choose my path. I want to choose my happiness. I don’t want to spend my life trying to satisfy the needs of others. I’ve spent too long doing things and making choices just to make other people happy. It’s tough, thinking you know what you want and then when you get it, realising that it isn’t what you want at all. I am so lucky to have a career job in the field that I did my degree in, but it’s only now that I’m here I’m realising that maybe I didn’t want this all along.
Travelling is the ultimate way for me to clear my head and set my priorities straight. So after my July trip to the US West Coast, I’m going to be saving up until the end of the year to move to Australia. I’m not one of those lucky people who can just whirl themselves off whenever they please, so I’ll spending August-December of this year working in my career job (I have no choice but to stay – I really need the money and I have no other way of earning the thousands needed to get myself to Australia). I honestly feel like this is right choice for me, right now. Australia has always been in the back of my mind, and now I’m ready to move down under and live a life that is fulfilling, challenging and that will bring me happiness.
I’m planning to fly out on January 2nd 2018. Yes, it really is going to take me that long to save up the money I need to pay for my flights, working holiday visa, accommodation, saving money etc. I’m going to be using STA travel’s working holiday pack to organise my bank account, tax code, accommodation for my first week in Sydney, Aussie sim card and a membership to Job Search Australia for a year, but apart from that, it’s just going to be my friend and I living and working in Sydney, NSW. I really feel that this is the next step for me. I need to get away from all the uncertainty in my life choices and mistrust that I have in the UK system right now and just go and live.
If anyone has any tips on the visa process, finding an apartment, getting a job or just the general moving abroad process, please write in the comments or email me @ firstname.lastname@example.org